Sunday, February 22, 2009

The Battle Within

There is a "sane" and an "insane" part of me, that by their very nature are in constant conflict with each other. The sane side belongs to the society; follows its basic rules; pushes itself reasonably hard for a respectable earning; has its own idiosyncrasies that all the other sane people of the world possess; suffers from possessiveness and insecurities; feels the need to accumulate wealth much more than what is required for a healthy living; gets envious of men and women doing a better job of meeting the petty needs of life; at times, tries to put its point vehemently; resents at people not being able to understand or appreciate its own point of view; likes admirations and approbations, even though they may come from people it considers irrelevant and of no consequence; tries to form an impression in the society, the impression may not always be taken in good light but it is an impression all the same. Also, subconsciously tries to form an impression on itself and this time it is important that the image is held in high regard. With that comes deception and delusion.
The insane side, on the other hand is rather wild and untamed. It is in constant awareness of death and the impermanence of everything around. The thought may not always be depressing or frightening. In fact, at times the insane mind comes close to being ready for everything nature holds for it. But the thought brings with itself a good deal of other ideas, emotions and mysteries. The insane side pushes itself to come out of the delusion and know the truth and yet it knows that there may not be anything to be known and even if there is, there may not be any way of knowing it. It struggles to find a meaning for its existence and is not ready to accept the social pattern of life without exploring the other possible patterns that life offers. It also has its own package of instincts and emotions bestowed by nature on all human beings but they are not corrupted by the deep rooted social conditioning. It has less regard for the society it lives in and does not bother much about the opinions of others. And it tries to paint a truer picture of itself and doesn’t hesitate using the grey shades even though it may not always be the best one.
The emotions and thoughts are rather contradictory when either of the sides dominates. And the actions based on any one of the sides cause depression Check Spellingand dissatisfaction when the other side comes into dominance. It doesn’t seem possible for the sane and the insane to coexist in harmony and peace - which ironically is the ultimate goal for both. And therefore, it seems more logical and sane to subdue the sane part if not completely eradicate it and let the insane live on.
- Abstracts from the insane part when mind was in its control.

1 comment:

aditi_kundu said...

hamare shashtron mein ki jeewan ko char parts mein divide kiya hai...brahmacharya, grahasth, sanyas and vaanprastha. you are in grahastha ashram, why already talking about vaanprahath...??