The Real World...

Long time ago I knew a woman. She lived in a beautiful place surrounded by mountains floating on top of the clouds and a blue lake flowing in the air alongside the mountains. It was as if God had used a special brush to paint her world. She would have been the happiest soul but for the surprisingly strange fact that this world of her's could not be seen by anyone else. Not that it bothered her but it did concern the rest to the extent that they called her insane and sent her out of their community.

When I grew up and became a part of the real world, I noticed a stark similarity between the sane people of the real world and the woman whose faint memories still lingered in some corner of my mind. They all lived in a world that was seen only by their own selves. The difference in their world was that the mountains and lakes were replaced by images and opinions about themselves, others and various incidents in life that were purely a figment of their imagination. The images and opinions formed in their minds were distorted, bloated or inflated based on their convenience or need. The incidents were interpreted in a way that suited them. This, they used in an attempt to assuage their miseries and conflicts(many a times self created) in the real world. However, they continued living as sane members of the community since they never saw a mountain or lake floating on the clouds.

The woman in reality lived only in my mind (and never died). However, some traces of these sane people could be found all around including my own self when I dared to take a glance inside.

The College Reunion

So the three friends of old times found themselves together in a college reunion after many busy years of indifferent silence. Abhinav did not appear much different from how he looked during his student days. He did seem calmer and more contented with life. He lived in a small city with his wife and children. Wilson was balder, plumper and livelier than ever. He never stayed in the same place for a very long time. He said his eyes needed to see different places and people after a while. As the silence no longer was comfortable, a conversation began...

Wilson : Life has been a colorful collage of places and people so far and its always interesting to meet different people with such diverse ideas and beliefs.

Abhinav : It surely is. But somewhere down the line you do wish to settle down, have a family, raise children and watch them grow. After all that is the purpose nature has defined for us.

Wilson : Just because humans like all other species seem to follow a certain pattern and just because instincts for survival and procreation come naturally to all, does not ascertain that it is the highest goal set by nature. And even if such is the case, why should one be bothered about what nature wants from us? Why should we not go by our own instincts and do what we want to do? Although even that is ultimately a work of nature. I do what I want to do, for as long as it interests me. And then move on as soon as boredom casts its spell on me.

Abhinav : Boredom comes effortlessly to people. It will follow you whatever you do, wherever you try to hide. Does it not make sense to confront it and fight it back? I believe it makes a difference to give time to oneself, try and analyze one's own nature and try to eradicate whatever it is that causes boredom at the first place.

Wilson : What makes you think that natural instincts that man possesses and their outcome can be eradicated by man himself? Why should a software program that produces certain outputs have the capability of eradicating itself or change its algorithm?

Abhinav : What if the algorithm is written in such a way to shift to a different algorithm based on its input? I haven't been able to achieve this fully but I do believe it is possible.

Wilson : And my convictions drive me to choose different inputs whenever I want a new output.

All this while the software engineer sat quietly with a glass of full of whiskey and ice. He was more confused than ever. Time had ruthlessly destroyed all his beliefs one by one. He envied Wilson for being able to change his life whenever he wanted to. His own days were filled with monotony and boredom. And yet he knew that the fear of unknown and the grip of the known would never let him change his ways of life. He agreed with Abhinav that it is boredom that needs to be worked on....He was not sure how? "Both my friends appear so contented and seem to know exactly what they want out of life. And here I am not able to take a step forward in any direction", he thought. "But how can I believe in the outputs of some vague software program when I have no clues about its algorithm? How do I know what inputs to choose?". "A wise person had once said that it is wiser to know that one doesn't know than to be under the illusion of knowing what can not be known" he said to himself. He may not be the happiest person but he surely appeared to be the wisest going by the words of wisdom uttered many thousand years ago. Pleased with himself, he got himself another drink. Is it wise to continue being “wise” or is it wiser to seek happiness instead?- Unfortunately the wise man had said nothing about that.

Burden of Freedom

Once a young boy lived in a small island. It was a beautiful place with trees, a pond and a small hut. Every morning he would be awakened by the chirping of birds on the trees. He would feed the ducks in the pond and watch them swim for hours. He watered the trees everyday to keep them green. He was happy with his island until one day he saw another island far away with beautiful roses. He did not have any roses in his island. He looked ahead further and found another one with a long river and swans. He soon realized that there were many other islands far away, each having something unique about it that his island did not possess. He no longer enjoyed watering the trees and watching the ducks. He yearned for the distant lands. One night tired of watching the ducks in the pond he felt utterly depressed. He cursed god for having kept him confined to such a tiny island when there were so many other places to go. Thinking of the red roses, the river and the swans and so many other beautiful things in the other islands, he fell asleep.

The next morning when he woke up, he saw a ship parked at the shore. He was elated. He was no longer bound to his own tiny island. He was free to explore the distant lands. Before he could get to the boat, God appeared. Filled with gratitude, he thanked God for sending him the boat and giving him the freedom to choose where he wanted to go. "I have granted you your freedom all right, but your freedom has its own limits" replied the God. "The boat that you find here travels only in the forward direction. You can never bring this back to this place again".

He looked back at the blue pond and the trees. He would never get to drink the sweet water from the pond....nor would he get to climb the trees. He would not hear the chirping of the birds or watch the ducks swim ever. He wanted to stay a bit longer in his island before starting his journey. He urged God that he should be allowed to spend some more time in his island before commencing on his new journey since he was not ready yet. "The boat remains parked here. The choice is yours now" said the God and disappeared.

Every morning he would wake up to see the boat parked on the shore. He was reminded of the choice he had. He wanted to explore other places but at the same time was not willing to leave his island forever. The freedom that he yearned for once started tormenting him. He was unable to get rid of the constant stream of conflicting thoughts in his mind.

After years of indecisiveness he finally urged God to take the boat away. The next morning he woke up to find that the boat had disappeared. He sighed in relief. With new enthusiasm he watered the trees and fed the ducks. After a long time he again sat near the pond and watched the ducks swim for a long time.

Yet another discussion over Mars and Venus

In my younger years any argument with even a slight hint of gender bias carried a high potential to agitate me. I would vehemently argue as if the sole responsibility of saving the position of womankind rested on me. I still feel that the status of women in many regions of the world ranges from miserably bad to tolerably bad (of course, these definitions are purely my own). However, I take the discussions to disprove the superiority of men or prove the capabilities of women more as a pass time now. In true sense, I feel they are baseless. Men and women are different based on their natural roles in the process of evolution - Men being the bread earner and women the child bearer/nurturer.

Most people, with observation and statistical data, would agree that men are physically stronger than women in general. In my opinion this has been the primary reason why men have been able to suppress women and come up with various theories about the inferior nature of women through out history (more so in the olden times when physical strength was considered much more significant in the society). Some ancient philosophers claimed that women are less evolved form of human species; many were of the opinion that women should be kept under the surveillance and guidance of men. Some of the "enlightened" leaders of the past said that women are incapable of attaining the state of "nirvana" in their present lives. Although in modern society such thoughts are not openly expressed. In fact it is fashionable to project oneself to be gender neutral if not pro-women.

There are some theories and researches that also claim that women are intellectually inferior to men. It is scientifically observed that the average size of the brain of a woman is smaller or weigh less than the average size of the brain of a man (although it may not have a direct correlation with IQ). There are other differences observed between the male and female brains of humans as well. It is also statistically seen that substantially lesser number of women excel in higher education as compared to men and most of the high profile jobs are held by men. The reasons could be ascribed to social discrimination and the additional natural responsibilities taken by women. I leave the mental abilities of men and women open for a debate.

The differences between the two sexes (which I would like to believe is restricted to physical strength) have led to various gender discrimination and oppression of women. Although times are changing and men are taught to be more chivalrous (However modern society has its own biases. For example a "modern" woman frowns if a man chooses to go dutch on a date or eyebrows are raised when a woman picks up a glass full of whiskey instead of wine or campaign) My query is - Are the inequalities and suppression of women healthy for the society?

Considering a woman's well being, it most definitely will not be favored by the majority. What about the other half of the society? Let us consider what the men gain or loose from such an arrangement

A. Men gain more control over things as half the population looses its say. In turn they loose the support of the other half in decision making and many other productive activities by not equipping/educating them for such tasks.

B. Men gain more significance in the society and their lives are considered of higher value. This may ultimately result in imbalance in population and unhealthy competition to find a mate.

C. Men gain more power over women (or wives) which would result in their decisions being obeyed without any objection. And more importantly it would give them the power to fulfill their sexual needs even without the consent of the woman. They gain a sex object at the expense of a friend/companion with whom they can also share a mutually enjoyable physical intimacy.

Of course it is up to each to decide what would make a happy society that they may want to be a part of.

Narcissus and Goldmund - By Hermann Hesse

A story about the two extremes that life can offer....A life of self control and a life of indulgence...However, the ultimate goal remains the same - to find the answers to the unanswered questions....to dig deeper into the mysteries of life....To find a way to live life (And that brings one to the question - is there any difference whatsoever?).

Narcissus, the ideal man....confident, strong willed, determined. Aware of the futility of the pursuits of life. Ready to give up everything to reach the very peak.

Goldmund on the other hand, following his heart (his instincts), doing exactly what he wishes to do , that his circumstances permit. Experiencing every bit of pleasure... pain...joy...sorrow.... ecstasy and misery that comes his way. He is no less capable of finding his way to the peak....or is he not?

One seems to be trapped between the two extremes....oscillating between the two, unable to reach any final destination.

Some Illogical Thoughts

Standing at the backyard, looking at the hundreds of fish struggling to survive in a small water body accumulated due to heavy rain, my mom said, "I wonder why God had to create the world which has so much pain and struggle. I laughed it off and said, "if only God existed".

I consider my self to be a non believer. And yet sometimes I find myself asking the same question (in a different way, may be). "What was the necessity for the entire creation? The world with whatever pleasure it might provide, doesn't seem worth so much of pain and suffering". Such was my state of mind today when a female dog with her six puppies innocently looked at me as if wanting to know why I was supposed be to sleeping in a comfortable house while she along with her children stood drenched in the heavy rain? Because my species was more capable and did a better job in creating all the luxuries for itself. And among the members of my species I happen to be one of the more privileged ones.

The pain and the sufferings may not mean anything in the true sense of the universe....but it is still very real for me.

The Software Engineer

It was six in the morning when the clock stretched out its arms to its fullest and the alarm promptly rang. It was a soothing tune unlike the typical harsh alarm tunes that used to wake him up during his student days. Nevertheless, he disliked it as much as ever. He quickly turned it off and decided to lie down for a while. Within no time the second alarm rang...this time it was harsher, to give a final warning that there was absolutely no time to waste!!

He woke up with a jerk cursing himself for sleeping for so long. He had an early meeting scheduled and was supposed to be in office in an hour's time. He quickly got ready, dumped his laptop in the car and grabbed a slice of pizza left from the previous night's dinner, to have it on the way and started from home.

It was the beginning of the week and as most Monday mornings would have it, he was not particularly in the best of his moods. "The ever prevailing monotony of my life and so painstakingly have I kept it alive....may be I don't know any other way of life ". He was contemplating his life which tiresomely followed the same pattern without any tangible deviation for years now. "And they talk about work life balance- do they even know what life is?" He cursed all the policy makers of the corporate world. Suddenly he remembered Abhinav - his college mate. Abhinav was the brighter of the two but had never started his career in Software. Instead he chose to be a school teacher. "If only I had chosen to teach like him". "I would have had all the time to spend with friends and more importantly with myself....and here I am almost lost, forgotten by all my friends and by my own self". "Or may be I could have continued with music, made a career in it...like Wilson did. He appears so passionate about music even after so many years. I may have a bulkier bank balance but it doesn't make me any happier".

Thinking of all the real and imaginary career avenues that he had closed on himself , he reached office. Most disinterestedly he wrote a few important mails, attended a couple of meetings, worked on the piece of work he was urgently supposed to finish and managed to grab a few cups of coffee and smoke in between. However he was still in a parallel world surrounded by friends, family and fans where he was everything but a software engineer. Finally He decided to pack his laptop and leave much earlier than his usual time.

"I cannot continue weaving the same pattern...I cant roll the same rock every day. I must bring in some change in my life...I must quit being a software engineer!!" he said to himself. He went home and took out his guitar which had rested in peace completely untouched and undisturbed for many years. He played the tunes that he had learnt long ago. But, the tunes sounded different from how they were meant to sound. He tried for a while but the guitar refused to create music the way he wanted it to. He gave it up and picked a thick book by Camus that he had bought when he was traveling for a business trip last month. He flicked through the pages but even the book failed to evoke any spark of interest in him. He finally switched on the television and browsed through all the channels available but didn't stop for more than a few minutes at any particular channel. It was only eight o clock, not even the time when he started from work on a normal day. He stared at the empty space for a while not able to decide what to do. "The rock has to fall down anyways, why bother about what rock I have chosen?", he concluded. Finally he took out a can of beer, opened his laptop and started working on the presentation he was supposed to give the day after. He worked up till midnight and emptied a few cans of beer till his eyes drooped. He fell on the bed and lay down with a smile....it wasn't such a bad night after all!!